Grapefruits, the Adventure 6: Porno in a Half-Shell, Porno Power!
by AlKaholiK
Summary: Tonight, the...um...saga lives on! Will our heroes WIN this thing?, or will they be doomed to spend the rest of their LIVES battling the foot (which is something ELSE I want to build upon, lol) and/or taking on stupor-stars the likes of friggin', KANE and Mark f'ing HENRY?" Well, stay tuned, folks-that's all I can tell ya!
1. We've Only Just Begun!

**A/N—Hi fuckers! Even I didn't think that this series would end in THIS fandom, but—you just never know, huh? Not that there's anything BAD about it, but I typically write about pro wrestling. And, in all honesty, this should likely be in the crossovers section, but no one reads that shit, so here I am in the TMNT fandom. And I want to thank the one and ONLY bubbly one—Bubbly Shell22, for my inspiration for this. Apparently, MY stories have inspired HER, so I'm here to show that HER stories have inspired ME! Lol, well anyway, it's time the torch was passed, so to say. You'll see what I mean, lol! Longtime fans of this series will know how this goes, but those of you that DON'T know, stay tuned! Bubs, this Bud's for you! Well, here we go! This time STEPHANIE has arranged 6 of her stupor—erm, I mean-SUPERSTARS together for a meeting, of sorts, in her penthouse in Chicago's Hyatt Hotel….**

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><p>Steph, eating a ham shank with one hand, smiles and says, "Ok, I've called you all here to complete a…well…a mission for me. URRRP!"<p>

A hand goes up.

Steph asks, "Yes?"

"well lemme' ask you—before you start, is this or is this NOT, the annual beer and porn run?"

Steph takes another bite of her ham and replies, "Why, yes it is! UUURRRP!"

Another reply—"Well, what's the prize this time?"

Steph, still chewing, and spitting ham particles all over everyone, replies, "Well, mmm…the winner will be be interim COO of either RAW or SmackDown!—YOUR choice!"

A hand raises immediately, "Well, isn't that H's job?"

"Yes it IS!"

Another hand raises, "Well, why are you firing HHH?"

Steph takes another bite and happily replies, "I'm not …UUUURP…FIRING him. It's just that…well, lately, Hunter is having trouble getting it hard for mama! I go to those…those… ghetto chicken and rib joints and THOSE fuckers actually pay me the attention that Hunter just doesn't GIVE me anymore."

At that moment, yet ANOTHER hand raises, "Well, do you need these things from a certain place?, you know, like your daddy?"

"Yes, I do—I need you to go to New York City and pick me up a 6-pack of Colt 45, a cherry pie—yes a WHOLE one—and…a copy of my NEW favorite porno—"_**Cuckoo for Cocoa Cocks**_" _(For those that don't know, "Cuckoo" is pronounced "CooCoo", in RL, it's just the actual spelling of the word is all, lol.)_ I need two of you to pick this up from a place that my mother told me about—"Bob's-a Porn and-a Pizza!"

Steph smiles brightly and asks, "So who's WITH me?"

There's a mumbling amongst the gathered superstars before a couple of them answer, "Ok, we're IN!"

Steph takes another bite of her whole ham and smiles, saying, "Well GET STARTED!"

The 6 superstars mumble amongst each other, leaving the room.

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><p>Meanwhile, in the glamorous and LOVELY NYC sewer system…<p>

"sensei, do we HAVE to do randori today? I mean, my favorite show's coming on in a few minutes!"

Sensei replies, "Tough shit, my son. You HAVE to know that life won't hand you everything you want WHEN you want it—for most, life sucks and then you DIE!"

"But sensei, isn't there more to life than THAT?"

He thinks for a moment and answers, "Well, not much, my son. I've spent my life as a rodent and I can't seem to shake this cheese breath and I can't get a woman to save my LIFE, damnit! So get to practicing, before I 'volunteer' to be your partner…my sons."

He then leaves the …place to take a sort-of-brisk walk.

One of them quietly says, "Damn, sensei SURE is in a mood ever since that one chick dumped him on TV on that one dating show!"

"Yeah dude, she said that she prefers a man that has a dick bigger than a MOUSE'S!"

For REAL, man, he got embarrassed in front of 10 million VIEWERS!"

"Well, that may be true, but…still. I think Master's HUMAN side might be 'peeking' though!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when's the last time you've seen him with a woman?"

"I mean, I know what you're talking about, and I know his birthday's coming up, but…where can we get a woman that's NOT freaked out by sensei's appearance?"

"I don't know, but lately, he DOES seem to need some companionship in his life—it HAS to be lonely looking as he does, don't'cha think?"

"Yes, but sensei needs us to be sensitive to HIS needs right now."

"Seriously? He's been having us do randori every day for the past WEEK, now! I mean, c'MON, guy!"

Meh, he's just hating because me and April have a love that he could NEVER experience—so I don't hold it against him."

"Oh PUH-LEEEZE, you and APRIL? Are you SERIOUS? She's turned YOUR green ass down so many times and in so many WAYS, I'm surprised that it's not in the Guinness Book of World Records!"

"Myeeeeeh…shyaddup!"

A lot of minutes later...in a separate part of…wherever this place IS, a mysterious sensei is walking along, trying to gather his thoughts, when he comes across a curious beaker filled with a green liquid lying on the ground.

"Hmm…what's this? It's bubbling and I've been walking FOREVER by now—Is it …is it…apple soda?! I LOVE apple soda!"

So he bends over, looks around, picks up the bottle, and tips it to his mouth and swallows the contents. _"Glug, glug glug"_

"Ahhhh, it's not my lemonade, and my remote isn't present, but it IS refreshing!"

Just then, he starts to glow a bright yellow.

"Aaaahhh…what's going ON, here?"

…and he starts to morph—and after a few minutes, he morphs into…VINCE McMahon!

He shakes the stars off and excitedly starts pointing at random things in the trash found in the sewer, "You're FIIIIIRED, and so are you! And you!…aaaaaand YOU, toaster—How DARE you?! You didn't give me the brown I WANTED, dammit! And I was looking FORWARD to that brown—it was-it was supposed to be like a-a doctor's nice, toasty-brown finger after a thorough prostate exam, dammit! so—YOUR ass is FIIIIIIRRRRED!

To be continued…

A/N-Thanks for tuning in, y'all! I hope you enjoy chaos that is to ensue!


	2. YOU know what it is--the stars n

_**A/N—Welcome back, fans! Ok, let's get right into this, here. Last we left off, Steph sent 6 of her employees to get her some beer, cherry pie, and porn. While that craziness was happening, Splinter was on a long walk when he got thirsty and decided to drink a mysterious bubbling green liquid that he found in a beaker lying on the sewer ground. He wound up morphing into Vince McMahon, and from this point forward, he'll be OOC, just sayin'-but not by TOO much, I promise...so, anyway…I'll just continue with this thing, here, as the superstars have gathered in the parking lot of the Hyatt hotel in Chi-town...**_

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><p>"Ok, who'll go with whom?"<p>

One superstar shrugs and replies, "Well, may as WELL be you—you do everything ELSE with me and you ALSO keep fucking FOLLOWING me around, so…come along."

The other superstar answers, "Yes, I always fucking follow you around, man! So, I'm in!"

The first superstar shakes his head and sighs, "Fuck me…lemme' go get the car...um, I mean CARS. And THIS time, if I meet a girl, could you PLEASE not repeat my lines to her? I'm trying to get laid, Dame, and it totally kills my AWESOME game!"!

The other superstar replies, "Gotcha' Miz! I won't kill you when you're getting laid. I promise."

Miz facepalms and exasperatedly says, "Just come on, willya'? It's bad ENOUGH that YOUR car somehow automatically follows MY car as if they were attached with a tractor beam, or something."

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><p><strong>Meanwhile, in another part of the parking lot…<strong>

"Ok, where'd I leave the ooooohhh, so lovely caaaaar?"

"Hm…hell if I know."

Suddenly, one of the boys find a trail of gold powder on the ground. He says, "What the-?

"what's wrong?

"The car's missing and I'm SURE this is where I parked it."

"See that trail of powder there? "

They both look at the powder and look further up the road. They see their car being stopped at the security guard shack.

"HEY, my CAR!"

Both superstars o running up to the car and yank the driver out of it.

"Hey, why'd you steal my car, you piece of shit!?"

The driver, feigning innocence, replies, "Um…uh…my cousin gave me this."

The boys look at each other and then back at this…driver. One punches him in the face—hard while the other picks him up and delivers his finisher to him—right in the parking lot. He did a Curtain Call, right on the asphalt.

Goldie points to the guy, who's lying motionless on the ground, and says, "That's what your ass GETS, JTG! (so now you know who it is) NO one steals MY…oooohhhh so…sexy…car! Come Stardust, let's blow this joint!"

"Yeah bro, people just HAVE to always go for the best-looking car in the lot. I mean, hell, who WOULDN'T want OUR car—I mean, really, you can't miss with a car shaped like a glittering star with black lipstick on the bumper and wearing a bleached blond wig?"

"Mmmmm…ohhh…you SAID it, Star. Let's go!"

**Yet, at the same time, in another area of the parking lot…**

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><p>"Well, where'd yo' bitch PARK this muh'fucker? We been walkin' around forever!"<p>

"I don't know, comrade Henry."

"What? What'chu MEAN you don't know?"

Suddenly he sees it and points excitedly, "THERE it is!"

"What? You expect me to ride in this…hooptie you got, here?"

"Well, what is wrong with Rusev's car, comrade Henry?"

Mark eyes the car over and asks, "Are you SHITTING me? You're really asking me this? Man, your car's a giant BURNING American flag!"

Rusev smiles and says, "Yeah, it was on clearance! The man gave Rusev a good deal! Rusev even got Lana as a contract bonus! So hop in, comrade!"

Mark's nervously looking at the flames and asks, "Hey man, ain't I gonna' get burned?"

Rusev smiles and answers, "Nah, the flames are for special effect—they're digital! It's amazing what can be done with modern technology!

So Mark shrugs and climbs in as they pull out of the parking lot.

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><p><em><strong>Meanwhile, in the peaceful and glamourous NYC sewer system, we find Splinter, who's now morphed into Vince McMahon, and he's now made his way back to the lair. The turtles have just finished randori training, but they didn't see Splinter walk in…<strong>_

"Ok guys, we're done, here. Master Splinter would be proud!"

"Another turtle, panting, replies, "Yeah dude, the sensei would be STOKED about this!"

Just then a mysterious figure comes through the doorway…

The turtles look up and one of them asks, "What the? VINCE McMAHON?" How'd you find our lair? What are you doing here?"

Splinter (hereafter referred to as "Splince, or Splintz—however the hell you wanna' pronounce it) replies, "My…sons. It's ME, Splinter!"

The turtles all look at each other with puzzled expressions. Leo points his sword at him and asks, "But…how do I know you're telling the truth? How do I know you're not Shredder?"

Splince replies, "Ugh…you idiot—how do you think I found the lair so easily? Does Shredder know where this place is?"

Leo, wide-eyed , replies, "Well damn…you're right, I never thought of that."

Splince rolls his eyes and mumbles, "_I can't BELIEVE I made THIS fool the LEADER of this jaunt."_

Leo asks, "Huh, did you say something, sensei?"

"Nah, I ain't said nothing."

Mikey asks, "Dude, you REALLY resemble Vince McMahon! What HAPPENED, sensei?"

Splintz replies, "Well, remember when I went for a walk earlier? Well, I got thirsty and I saw this weird-looking bottle full of bubbling green soda lying on the ground."

Donnie asks, "Ok, and then what?"

"Shit, I picked it up and drank it. Any port in a storm, right, my sons?"

Don looks at the other turtles in amazement and says, "NO! Sensei, that was very unwise! Why'd you DRINK that? Looking at your appearance, it OBVIOUSLY wasn't apple soda that you drank! It was some kind of mutagen! NOW I have to figure out how to get you back to your regular self!"

Splince, in a mixture of personality as WELL as looks with Vince, replies, "My son—are you calling me STUPID? Are you telling me that I don't give my fans what they want? Are you telling me that I DON'T want beer and porn? Are you—"

Leo, backing up defensively, replies, "Um…NO, NO master, of COURSE not! You're not stupid! You're the most…brilliant…um…sensei…uh, erm…wrestling mastermind, EVER! HONEST!"

Splince calms down and smiles, "Ahh…thank you my sons. No, I need one of you to get me some lemonade—WITH Ice, and then I need ALL of you to go out and get me some Sake and porn—I'm looking for the latest edition of "Randori ass Rangers"—I know, I know…t SOUNDS like a gay mag, but it's not—trust me, my sons! Oh, and take that fresh li'l whore April with you! The more heads I have on this, the better! The winner won't have to do Randori for another month! So get going because I'm SPLINCE McMAHON, DAMMIT!"

Raph asks, "Um…well, where are we supposed to be getting this stuff?"

Splince replies, "Oh, I almost forgot—you have to go to _Bobs-a Pizza and a-Porn_—it's ItalICIOUS!"

The turtle all race out of the lair and Mikey turns to Raph and asks, "Did he REALLY say 'ITALICIOUS'?"

Raph answers, "Sounds that way—we should've asked him if he wanted pepperoni or spicy picquante-flavored used nipple piercings on that order!"

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><p><em><strong>Ok, I'll stop it here for tonight. Thanks for tuning in, and do it again next time—same Turtle time, same Turtle place, same Turtle Channel!<strong>_


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